I may be a little bit late to the party (Fashionably late- I like to think) but it’s still got to be said! –
HAPPY NEW YEAR, CHERUBS!
It seems that the years really do fly by these days, and with all the festivities recently it’s fair to say I have got very much caught up in all the excitement that a new year brings!
I’m not sure if years have always seemed to pass this quickly, or if its simply because now as an adult I have more things to fit into my days, weeks, months and years that it just feels as if they speed by- leaving the less organised of us (me) struggling to keep up as the months roll over. And no, I’m not about to sit here and vow that in 2019 (it still feels strange to type that) I will strive to be more organised because I know myself well enough to know that – nah girl, that ain’t happening.
Also, I feel like this post is a bit rambly so, I would like to apologise for that, I don’t intend in doing anything about it though so… sorry about that. You see, this is going to be rambly because that’s the state my mind has been in since Christmas. its been a whirlwind and its as if my brain can’t keep up (actually it’s not AS IF my brain can’t keep up- my brain legitimately can’t keep up)
Also, I have not had any time to write at all since before Christmas! so now it feels like my thoughts are overflowing and spilling over into the pages quicker than I can hit the keys on my keyboard. Additionally, a little pre-warning to some of you that there are no pictures in this post from here on out, just because it was messing with the flow of it, how it read and its honesty. I always want my posts to be honest and not forced.
With that out the way- let’s get into it, shall we?
2018, wow wow wow. So much has happened in the 365 days of life you gifted me, some serious highs, as well as what I can most definitely say, were the worst lows of my life so far. I have both accomplished and learnt so much this year, from finally graduating and moving to a new place with my partner- to starting this very blog and being accepted into a community that I actually feel like I belong in, probably for the first time in my life. The little following I have gathered on here, and the endless support and love from the blogging community has been such an unexpected turn in my life, I created this blog for personal use, to have a place to channel my creative energy into and improve my mental health. and now here I am writing for not only myself but for you- a small community that I know will read this, as you always do time and time again.
For this reason, I must start this post off with a huge THANK YOU– I am forever grateful for all the support and love, there are blogs on here that have hundreds of followers I’m sure, but I love my little community, and I love writing not only for myself but for you. all of you. And if you’re new here for this post, then welcome to my cosy little corner of the internet, stay as long as you like, everyone is welcome.
I Think if I began to try to explain the place I was in a few months ago there are many people who would not understand (especially as I know many of you are younger) as they have never had the misfortune to go through what My family went through earlier this year. Actually, I was in a place so dark that before I had been there, I didn’t even know someone could lose themselves so deeply in their own mind, in such an isolated, depressive state. Its something I know I will never heal from, but instead, I’ll wear my scars as reminders of how far I have come. In the years to come when what I felt feels like no more than an echo from the past – they will remind me of my own strength and what I overcame.
I was at university when I was at my lowest but it was when I was fighting my way back out of what felt like a bottomless pit that I came here and found a community that gave me the strength and friendship that I needed to find myself again. To re-emerge from the rubble of my own downfall.
I’m sure when I feel strong enough I’ll dedicate a post for this but that time is not upon us just yet. I’ll get there one day and that day I may share a little more.
Moving on from all that (Which totally made it sound like I had the worst year ever when I actually didn’t!) This year was especially amazing because it was my first full year of being an Auntie!
My sister had my B-E-A-UTIFUL Neice – Sophie, In December of 2017, just before the new year and now looking back it’s so strange to think that there was a time when she wasn’t here- When my sister didn’t have a daughter. In itself, that very thought is a little strange to me as Sophie has only been here for a year now which, in the grand scheme of things, is no time at all.
I remember when my sister and I were both young we would be aunties to each other’s pets and play house a lot. It became one of our shared dreams, to be aunties to each other’s children so much so that that I ended up aspiring to be an auntie to her children more than I dreamt of being a mother myself. In fact, its only since Sophie’s birth that I have started entertaining the idea of having children of my own (which, by the way, is a huge unexpected turn in mentality coming from the person who still has a phobia of pregnancy and childbirth) This being said I definitely am not thinking about starting a family in the coming year or the years to come.
Its one of those future plans that for the moment on exists in my- what I like to call- ‘Bubble Plan’ A plan that only exists in the fantasy ‘Bubble’ life that my partner and I often talk when we planning our future in the most perfect version of reality. Where money, age, jobs and all other limiting factors simply don’t exist and all images of our future in my mind’s eye exist with picture perfect Instagram filters on them.
Obviously, it’s not real life- nor is it real life circumstances but it’s a safe way for us to plan out our lives a small bit- with no real expectations of life to turn out that way so easily. it’s all safe and relative in the bubble. do other couples do this? let me know!
I have gone off topic again… so rope it back into new years now!
2019. what am I going to do with you? That’s the big question isn’t it- A blank canvas, a new 365 days to start ‘fresh’ as some people believe.
But to make resolutions that will make you better at being yourself? I have to admit I have never really understood the ‘new year, new me’ thing. There isn’t anything wrong with it, of course- people can do, say and believe whatever they want and I am certainly not one to judge. But I have never found a resolution that would make a positive change in my life that I could realistically stick to.
Furthermore, I like me the way I am (more or less) and I don’t want to click refresh and make a resolution that will change myself!
SO, this year I have set myself a series of goals, that I am aiming to start making steps towards (and hopefully accomplish) this year.
Instead, I am saying New Year, New challenges! OR New Year, Goals! Or something much more Instagram-able that all the millennials will love and pin on their ‘new year motivation’ boards.
I am slightly nervous to post this here, as it means other people on the interwebs will actually know my goals, and therefore know when I am slacking! but here we go!
My goals for 2019
- Create a blogging schedule (and stick to it!)
- Write blog posts in advance and schedule uploads!
- Hit 1000 followers on twitter!
- Get a new bed frame and spend time (and probably waaay too much money!) re-doing our bedroom!
- Book a holiday (either for this year or next! this girl needs to see some sun!)
- Create an Instagram for this blog!
- Achieve a better work/ home balance.
- Make more time for me and taking care of my mental health.
- Learn more about DA and SEO to optimise this blog! maybe gain the courage to switch to self-hosting?
- And finally, (this may be a bit ambitious..) secure collaboration with a brand and have my first brand-sponsored post! (that one may belong in the bubble universe I told you about earlier!!)
The list could go on, there are lots of tiny little goals I am aiming to achieve this year, many of them are much more personal- more to do with my mental health as well as home improvement and my career. And whereas this year would be incredible if I was able to get absolutely everything on this list done this year- I’ll be happy if I manage to get only one of them done in 2019. Not because I don’t believe I’ll complete the list, but because I know any of these goals (even changing my bedframe and redecorating my bedroom) will make a huge positive impact in my life and mental health.
The simplest goals are often the most effective, at least that’s what I believe.
But that’s just me.
What are your goals for this year? and how do you feel about new years resolutions? let me know in a comment or tweet at me at @whitneyistyping !
Also, who is heading off to uni in 2019? or are you excited to get back after the Christmas break? I wanna know! I graduated last year and I miss uni so much sometimes!
If you are heading to uni then why not check out my Mental health at university post? its the latest in my safe place series where I discuss mental health throughout a range of areas!
That’s me done for now though I think!
Speak soon, cherubs. Love you all. I hope you beat those January blues in the booty!