Life, life advice, Loneliness, mental health, new blog, Safe Place, Uncategorised, University, work

A Safe Place- Mental Health & Loneliness

Hey, Friends!
Tis’ just me here again for another little ramble.
Now I’m going to be real with you all- I have written out this post about 3 times now and I just couldn’t seem to get it right before. This is such a personal issue and I feel like there are people out there possibly reading this who will understand…. but really, who knows?
So I’m just going to bite the bullet and put it out there! #bebravefortheblog

Mental Health… it’s a tricky one… and it’s probably been blogged about to death, but I feel its something that can also never be talked about enough?
There are so many areas to consider when addressing it – and as a whole its something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I’m not trying to sound all sad or to get anyone’s sympathy- I am very much used to dealing with mental health. And I am okay. But I feel that others may need a little helping hand or virtual hug- so here I am writing about my experiences. just for you! how lovely:)
Since moving to a new place and starting my new job I have been struggling specifically with Loneliness. However before I jump into it all- let me clarify some things real quick.

  1. Loneliness is not the same thing as physically being alone.
  2. Loneliness is not always about friendships or intimate loving relationships
  3. Loneliness cannot be simply solved by ‘getting out more’
  4. Loneliness is not the same as feeling sad.

I only feel the need to bring up these things as I find those are the most common misconceptions that I have run into recently. although I feel there are definitely others lurking around the internet somewhere…. its a big place you know.
As I said I have dealt with mental health issues my whole life,  and I plan to make this the first post in a series about Mental Health and my experiences with it.
So with THAT out the way, let’s get back to me, shall we?

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In truth, It’s a roller-coaster- some mornings I wake up ready to whip out of bed and start the day. I’ll get up and saunter on over to my shower I’ll pick an outfit that makes me feel amazing. I’ll make breakfast and have a cup of tea. ill turn my laptop on and write before work and just be so pro-active, productive and positive.
Then there are those ‘other’ days… when I feel like I am being constantly followed and slowly consumed by a huge black hole that is always two steps behind me. I’ll wake up and be exhausted as if I hadn’t slept at all, my eyelids warm and heavy, my whole body aching, yearning to stay in my horizontal position. Instead of getting up ill close my eyes and fall into a restless, uncomfortable sleep-like state that I’ll gain absolutely no energy from.
I’ll realise I am late for work and feel absolutely nothing about it. I love my job- but on those mornings I won’t care. I would rather hide away from the general population, put my phone on silent so no one can reach me, and just stop existing for a day.
Of course, I can’t do that. because even in THAT mindset I am still painfully aware of the empty void that is my bank account. And this girl has bills to pay.
So instead I drag myself out of bed at the very last minute, throw on anything (knowing that ill probably hate myself for the outfit choice later; when I inevitably catch a glimpse of my reflection at work) I’ll leave home without a shower or food. Then ill pretend all day to be the person that I am when the darkness hasn’t taken over, feeling worse and worse with every fake smile and joke I make to add to the facade. Unfortunately, it’s a game I have become good at playing. Fortunately, I haven’t had to play it in a while. not to that extent.

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Since Graduating and moving to a new place I have started having a bit of a battle more specifically with Loneliness. I have experienced loneliness before but not quite like this. it makes me overwhelmingly sad sometimes. and I feel the need to go back to long gone friendships and attempt to rekindle them (i haven’t done so… some people are just plain toxic).
Actually, it made me realise how hard it is to make new friends as a young adult who is out of the education system. Your 20’s are supposedly meant to be the best years of your life- but that feels entirely dependant on the size of your friendship circle. And turning work friends into friend friends is an entirely different challenge altogether! can you ever really break that wall down? if I left this job would I still get messages from them? I can feel my Imposter Syndrome sinking back in just thinking about it!
Loneliness, I find, can also be an incredibly hard thing to find the specific cause of, it can feel like something is missing but your not sure what that thing it. It’ll drive you mad becoming the only thing you can focus on, having this power to suck the happiness out of everything until you are completely immersed in this one feeling. it’s hard!
However on a lighter note- once you figure out what that ‘one thing is’ you can turn it around pretty sharpish!

so without further ado here are some constructive things that help me when I get into a Loneliness slump.
The first thing I’ll do is check myself. have I spent too much time on social media lately? or have I been unintentionally isolating myself? either one, for me personally, isn’t good. I find with social media sites that I go through waves of being ADDICTED to them, currently its twitter (go follow me @whitneyistyping, gotta love a shameless plug)
Although sometimes its perfectly fine to enjoy endlessly scrolling and harmlessly retweeting- other times I get massively obsessed with the numbers, which is when it becomes a little bit of a threat to my mental health. Adding a pinch of imposter syndrome to the pot which, of course, just feeds into the loneliness issue.
So that’s number one – Turn off your phone and take a breather.

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If social media isn’t really a contender then ill reflect a little and think ‘what is my life missing? what am I lonely for?’ Usually for me its friendships- especially since graduating and moving into a new place- away from family and old friends.
In general making and keeping friends has always been a struggle of mine, and I don’t really know why? Every time I try It seems the friendships never last and eventually somehow they’ll become distant and disappear; Like none of it ever happened.  I just don’t understand? I could talk about this for ages so ill move on now but ill definitely chat about it in more detail soon.
The constructive solution I have for this, however, is to Make an effort with the friends you have if you have grown apart then try to reconnect. Got work friends? put time and energy into those relationships.
I know that I for one, am guilty of forgetting to reach out to those I love when life gets busy. so step back for a minute and send that message, make that phone call. Its hard as an adult working full time, but try and meet weekly or every two weeks if that’s all you can do. ring once a week and have a little rant about your awful boss, that random thing you brought, the scandalous thing that you heard that girl from uni has done. Connect and talk to people, make the effort. Don’t wait for others to do it for you.

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Also, Picking up a new hobby, creative outlet and finding a new community worked wonders for me. That why I started this blog in the first place!
If you’re like me and you’re very creatively inclined then you could be feeling loneliness if you are missing having a creative outlet. When I was at Uni there were so many creative demands on me and deadlines, I was expressing so much creatively… and then… I graduated. And suddenly, nothing. No characters to work on. No essays. nada.
I found it really hard but I didn’t know what to do about it, I needed somewhere to go with all my thoughts and creativity, somewhere to express myself. so I came here! and before too long I found the most supportive and inclusive community of bloggers and its really helped. I’m not saying everyone needs to start a blog or youtube channel- I’m saying that you should try to find something new to put your energy into. If its something that you get something out of too- then that’s even better.

When all else fails, talk to someone You do not have to figure this out on your own! tell your partner how your feeling, ring your mum, text a friend or if you are really in a slump; talk to a professional. I find that sitting down with a hot cuppa tea with my partner, chatting about how I’m feeling and speculating as to why I’m feeling it sometimes does half the job. And then he will help me with the rest, even if it’s just by texting me through the days to see how I’m getting on.
if anyone out there is anything like me I find that if I feel something negative and keep it to myself, whether its Loneliness or anything else for that matter, then I end up isolating myself further. which really is just me being my own worst enemy and standing in the way of myself feeling better. Its okay not to be okay sometimes, but not talking about it makes it worse. share the burden.

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That’s really all I have to offer right now. but all those things really work for me so I hope maybe they help someone else. or even if now you just understand this all a little bit better then I am happy with that too. I could keep typing about this for ages so I’m going to wrap this up pretty Soon before I bore you all.
So that’s a wrap everybody. its been a pleasure as always. I hope you enjoyed a slightly more serious, personal account from me today.

stay happy, keep talking and spread some positivity in the world.

much love

xox Whitney xox

 

 

 

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@whitneyistyping

 

 

 

 

 

 

22 thoughts on “A Safe Place- Mental Health & Loneliness”

  1. I felt like this post was written for me/to me. I moved to a new place after college and although mentally I am doing way better than I was in college near all of my friends and family, I still get hit with massive waves of loneliness. It’s truly the worst. I’ll just keep wishing for the day to end because I know that I’ll wake up feeling better. But that day for me is shot. I 100% started my blog to give me something to do. A hobby that I am truly obsessed with. But even that, which I run with my two best friends, can get lonely. It feels good to know others feel the same way as me. Misery loves company, they say. Great post! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this! It’s not always easy but it is always helpful!!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. im glad you enjoyed it, and its so nice to know someone else has a similar story and feelings. i was so nervous to hit publish on this one. and wrote it so many times.
      thankyou for the continued support darling ! ❤

      Like

  2. I’m so glad I came across your blog! So much of this is so relatable. I went to college for fine art and once I graduated for whatever reason I stopped drawing and painting. Almost 8 years later and I’m just getting back into art and it’s been an amazing creative outlet. Also when you said that loneliness is not the same thing as being alone. That is so true. You can be in a room full of people and still feel completely alone. Thanks so much for sharing and I can’t wait to read more! Following you on everything now so I don’t miss a post haha 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou for the lovely comment darling! Its so important to stay true to yourself and keep on creating 💕
      Glad to have allong for the ride ! Xxx
      – Whitney-

      Like

    1. Im so glad you liked it darling. Its hard to be ao vaunrable sometimes. Ill deffo head over to yours and read your story when i get home from work
      Much love, stay strong, youre amazing xx

      Like

  3. Great post, and so important to talk about. I found it was such a difficult time as well after graduating because whilst you’re at uni you have the goal of completing it and you have so many people around you every day, and then you finish and it hits you all of a sudden, like, now what? It’s a scary time for sure. I can totally relate about what you say for work, I have been like that many times where I’ve felt too anxious to go to work and obviously I do go in because you have to but I always throw on whatever and then I see myself and I hate it so much – makes me feel worse! Having a hobby and talking to someone are fab tips, hobbies give you a focus and almost give you that purpose you felt you had been missing so they’re great, thank you for sharing.

    Chloe xx
    http://www.chloechats.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for writing this post. I agree that loneliness is so hard to deal with. Your constructive suggestions for dealing with it are so helpful. I’ve found talking to my partner about what I’m feeling very helpful and as you say, sometimes just talking about your feelings is half the battle.
    Since I gave up work because of my health, I’ve been feeling very lonely and isolated. But like you suggested, making plans with friends or at least giving friends and family a ring can help pull you out of the loneliness.
    Really lovely post 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou for such kind words on a post that was quite hard to write- im so glad i was able to help even if it was just a little bit. Keep fighting and talking about how you feel, youre never alone💗

      Like

  5. I appreciate this post more than you know! I have dealt with loneliness for literally all my life. There is rarely a moment where I don’t feel lonely despite always trying my hardest to connect with people. Like you said, this topic may have been blogged to death, but to me all individual experiences with all kinds of feelings is worth writing about and it’s worth sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I really enjoyed reading this post, I relate to everything that you have mentioned in regards to loneliness and low days. It was so good to read it actually, today for me was one of the low days haha, this post did help to bring my mood up 🙂 You have mentioned some fantastic tips and did not fall on to treating yourself as a victim of life. Connecting with people, finding new things to do is so important.
    Thanks
    Laura / https://laustworld.blogspot.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey Whitney
    Love this piece thank you for being vulnerable and opening up about something that is rarely talked about.

    Loneliness is real and I don’t think a lot of people realise how daunting it can be on someone. I think because people feel like because of things like social media are around. It is a lie because ppl our age at most of risk of experiencing it.
    Then when you start to look at Mental Health we are going down another road.

    Jenna|xox
    https://jennasworldview.com/2018/12/10/a-bae-less-christmas/

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I completely agree and understand this post. I didn’t go to uni, where as all my friends did and honestly the sentence of making friends as a young adult outside the education system really hit home. I live in the middle of nowhere so there isn’t tons of new people and honestly I find it so hard.

    Thank you for sharing this post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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