This is going to be a bit of a ramble about a lot of life stuff but stay with me!
So through the 21 years I have spent on this earth (which I am aware is like no time at all) there have been many a situation where I would have rather crawl into a black hole and cease to exist, than face another human being. Ever. Again.
Buuuut life always keeps moving forward. And I think something I have only just realised is that it is 100% your decision to either be moving forward with life or be being dragged along behind it. #Clichèlifeadvicewithwhitney
Ill be honest – up until this point I feel like I have been constantly dragged along by life’s momentum. Never fully realising that there was a different mindset, and a different array of choices I could make to help change and take back a bit of control. You see, Life is constant series of challenges and it is those challenges and how we over-come them that mould us into the unique individuals we are today, so although things may have been pretty tough- I wouldn’t change any choice I have made up to this point as it all led to me sitting here, in my flat typing this.
With the inspirational Pintrest life advice section of this post over lets move on.
I am refreshing everything. Now that Uni has finished and I have graduated; i have FINALLY crossed the finish line into adulthood. And let me tell you- its been a hell of a sprint to get here. But now I’m here i feel like its not what i was anticipating. But at the same time i also don’t really know what I expected would happen.
Adulthood is something I remember being so excited for when I was younger, it felt like it came with so much freedom, possibility and opportunity and it turns out the actual result is slightly underwhelming. Its comparable to waiting your whole life to meet your favourite singer or Youtuber, it ends up being this huge event in your life that holds so much weight, and when you get there nothing could live up to the expectations you had, leaving you feeling at a loss. Like something was missing in the exchange. I don’t mean to paint this is so many shades of grey but its just honestly how I feel right now. I hope I’m not the only one?
However passing this checkpoint has granted me a unique opportunity to close a chapter of my life and move on as new, taking life into my own hands and hoping I’ll make my 20’s a much better time.
In the interest of improving my life i have picked up and moved away from my home town and left all the debris from my mistakes there. I am walking away and starting a new. In the past i thought the time to do this was my move to Chichester when i went to university, but this quickly fell through when i felt familiar anxieties seeping through the seams of the pages i thought i had turned. Weather it was from illness or past friendships turned sour it became apparent quite quickly that nothing was changing at uni.
I remember back when i was in the last few months of my degree telling friends my plans to pick up and move straight away after uni finished- never even touching base back at my home town… and everyone thought i was mad to do it. Mad to try and afford a move after living as a student- mad to not even try and go back home. Completely insane to move to a place that at the time- i hadn’t even visited once. But in my mind i knew it had to be like ripping off a bandage. If i went home i would get too comfortable and get stuck there, the way everyone else does. Which is something i promised myself i would never let happen. Maybe i was a little bit mad (all the best people are) and it has been a bit of an up-hill battle at times but I’m so glad i did it.
*Ill write a post about actually moving another time as that’s a whole topic in itself.*
I’m aware that completely picking up and moving house is a rather extreme way of ‘clicking refresh’ as i like to call it. And many people aren’t in a situation to do so and use simpler ways to change things up. To be honest we were lucky and i like to believe we had fate on our side… yes I’m one of those annoying spiritual people that believe in such invisible forces. Let me explain before you pass judgement!
Anyone who has moved before will know how stressful and hard it can be to try and find a place that not only fits you but that you will also get accepted for by the landlord, the letting agency and everyone in between. This is multiplied a million times when you are students about to graduate, moving into a new area, with part time jobs (intending to get new jobs after moving) with hardly any money. Things were not looking too great for us. Until out the blue one day i got a message from one of my cousins i had lost touch with over the years who i used to be very close to. She had heard through the ‘grapevine’ that is my sister, that i was moving.
AND it just so happened that she had already planned to move to the exact same place in the exact same month as us. As well as all this her boyfriend just so happened to be a estate agent and was able to move mountains to help us move. In hindsight without the two of them the move would not have been possible. I couldn’t budge the feeling after all this that i was truly meant to move to this new place. To start a fresh- and if this isn’t an example of fate, i really don’t know what is.
How i got here aside- I’m here now, moved in and starting a new life on a blank canvas. Trying to make new friends in a place i don’t know… Putting it like that makes it sound a bit lonely doesn’t it??? – I’m having a great time! I swear! Regardless that’s a topic for another time! I have rambled enough as it is!
…. I realise now i don’t really know how to end a blog post. So I’m just going to stop typing now….